You Won't Be Back

Friday, May 28, 2010


May 27, 2010

Fat Jenn
Frisco, TX

Dear Fat Jenn,

After a careful investigation, I have concluded that you have violated the health and emotional state codes by entering areas of my stomach in excessive amounts . This misconduct is made more serious by your prior actions specifically, driving a wedge between me and God without my knowledge, more wedge driving between boys (specifically ones who would want to date me) and by potentially affecting my overall health now and in the future. 

In light of these facts, you are being dismissed from the Nelson Mind, Body and Home, effective May 27, 2010. While this dismissal does not constitute dismissal from Jenn's memory, her memory will be notified and may elect to impose additional sanctions upon past and present offenses.

You have the right to request a review of this action by filing an Appeal. But note that your appeal will be denied as this offense is completely unforgivable.


Some-What Skinny Jenn
-Owner of this Body

1 comment:

Julie said...

I really like this letter you wrote to yourself...very nice.

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